Raising Reagan

While laying awake in bed this morning, and desperately awaiting 7:00 so I can hear a bad Al Roker joke to claim as my own, I found myself perplexed by something else that I thought was a joke indeed.

Allow me to introduce to you the F.F.P.S.

This, my friends, is "Fun, Fair, Positive Soccer". A league for our athletic children, that will no doubt be nothing short of a joyous, harmonious experience for all.

Just imagine...no standings, no scores, everyone plays and everyone wins!! JUST like in REAL LIFE!! FINALLY a league that we can all relate too! I just know that if little Reagan were take the field, despite running up to and missing the ball nearly every time, she would still see a magical rainbow of colors appear in the sky, Coach Pink Unicorn cheering her on from the sideline, and grape kool-aid after the game.

No more parents arguing!! Your kid just took out my kid with a ferocious pre-k slide tackle? You, sir, are getting a giant Hug and a juicebox!! Come get ya some!!

Wow. Trophies for everyone, no tryouts, balanced teams. It's Stepford Soccer! But I DO have a few questions. Since nothing matters in sports but to just play the game, why have a registration deadline? Just come on out when you're ready! Whoohoo!! Check the website for practice times? Why? We don't need practice since everyone plays and nobody wins!! In fact, don't even worry about injuries!! The magical smurf doctor will swoop down from his soccer ball shapd cloud and fix 'ya right up! Off you go now!

You know, as we celebrate the anniversary of the F.F.P.C (concert) of '69 (Woodstock), and preparing our children for their future in such a glorious, wonderful way, I was thinking...we could apply this same concept to so many other things!!
Just think about it...Fun, Fair, Positive REAL ESTATE!!! YES!! You'll get exactly what you want for your house, everything will work...no repairs necessary, and you don't even need to qualify!! Ok, ok...that last part we've been through before.

Alright then, how about Fun, Fair, Positive Employment!! Resume? What's THAT?!! HAHAHA... you look like a sharp feller!! Come on in and sell some of these here mutual funds that are worth millions!! ...ok...Hundreds!!! Who cares!! Everyone wins!! Oh, you don't know how? that doesn't matter, we preach the F.F.P. way!! So you lost Mr. Johnson's portfolio...here's a trophy anyway!

"I'm sorry your hurt your back, sir...who's your insurance provider?", "why, I have F.F.P. Insurance!!" Suddenly a rainbox appears over the reception desk, she actually smiles for once (this IS magical!) and "You, sir, will be seen RIGHT NOW! Just have a seat in this recliner..."

Fun, Fair and Positive. THAT is what life is truly about. No rules, no effort, no score. So all this 'manners, education, being a good winner AND loser (more loser, to some of us...) and 'responsibility' crap we've been going on and on about ad naseum? What a waste of time!

In response, Sarah said this morning "no kid of mine is playing anything fair!"...she just doesn't see the colors yet.